Reflecting back on the year 2020, I realize my mistakes but I also allow myself to move on instead of being stuck with the past forever. I have had many ups and downs. But we all can accept the fact that life does not always go as planned, I had surprises and shocks. I cried when there was no one there, and smiled when their eyes were on me. Their stares and judging carved a rule book for me. Sometimes I chose to follow them while sometimes I chose to leave the rules behind. I don’t regret burning that book. What I regret is how I burned my own poems of limitations I chose for myself. I allowed that one person to break into my space, I let my guard down for the first time, waiting for them to come in and stay but they chose to walk away. As much as I wanted to stop them, something told me to let them go, maybe because they were not meant to stay. Since that day I have learned that my guard is there to protect me not for others to hurt me. Some say I have trust issues but at least I can stop people from shattering my heart in pieces I will never be able to put back. It took 9 months to make this heart, how can I ever let someone break it when my parents took so much pain to make it. This year taught me to stand on my own, It helped me understand how no one except your own blood will stay. People came and left. But mom always held my hand and dad always had my back. I regret concentrating on making a future rather than building one. Last year I chose to be loved instead of loving. I pushed the good people out of my life while pulling the toxic ones towards me, but the good ones still stayed, as they always do. Don’s take them for granted. I learned to love myself rather than wanting them to love me. I learned to heal the scars in my soul instead of my face. I learned to be me.
Looking back at 2020 I see my mistakes clearly but at least now I know these mistakes won’t happen again, but I will still make mistakes and I will keep learning. This year brought a lot of tears but It taught me lessons teachers can’t teach. I allow myself to move on because the longer you live in the past the less future you have.