I really try to not think about it because I am ridden with anxiety and known to spiral out of control. So, I had the brilliant idea of watching the hit HBO series, “The Last of Us”, a show where a fungal apocalypse destroys civilization. It’s a great show that makes you sit on the corner of your bed for hours staring into deep space thinking about how at any second everything you know could be taken from you…On that note, let’s jump into how I would deal with the apocalypse!
First of all, if the apocalypse were to happen, I just hope it’s due to animals taking over the world. If that were the case, I would easily be able to come to terms with what was bound to happen. But, for the sake of this article, let’s pretend that what happens in the show comes true and fungus turns all of us into zombies. To begin, I am going to need at least 2-5 business days to process this all. I know that the apocalypse doesn’t wait for anyone, but I can assure you that you are going to want to wait for me to emotionally process this because I will be a wreck. In fact, I know that you will have to get me one of those baby leashes because I will be unhinged.
Now that that’s taken care of, the next thing we need to do is to gather food. I’m a picky eater so this might be difficult, but if we rob a Target or a Whole Foods before anyone else gets to it, we’ll be just fine.
Everyone knows that in an apocalypse you need to get out of the cities, so we are headed to Montana. The 50 people that live there probably have some underground bunker, a booby-trapped yard, and walls of guns and supplies. This ensures that there will be no competition when trying to set up base camp. But since we are on the other side of the country we are going to need a sturdy, functional car to travel in. I say we get the new BMW i7 with theater mode and reclining back seats. You may be thinking, “But Sophia this is an electric car, the electricity is sure to go down!” And to that, I say someone else can figure that out for me. I want a comfortable car where I can lie down and watch television and ignore how mushrooms have ruined the world. I am already providing comedic relief for the survival group, so someone else can do the easy work of figuring out how to make this work.
After a luxurious ride in a BMW, we’d start to build a shelter in our new home in Montana. I am not entirely sure how we are going to do that but I can think quickly on my feet so I have faith that I will be able to figure it out. I would still feel unfulfilled though, knowing that I was robbed of the life that I had previously planned for myself. To compensate for that, here are things I would like to do after I get settled in my new home: ride a horse before they get infected by fungus zombies, drive a tractor, and take a stranded celebrity in as a refugee.
This is my flawless plan for the apocalypse. In the words of R.E.M., it’s the end of the world as we know it… and I feel fine.