Viking Call

Upper Merion High's Student Newspaper


Painful Pencils: Satirical Piece


   What are Pencils?

   Pencils are nothing but a yellow object that humanity uses to restrict their thoughts, their creativity, their freedom!

   Pencils force humanity to be wasteful, for a pencil is useless without paper-which requires us to cut down and waste trees! For what purpose? So that we can have a permanent record? Permanence is overrated and pencils are overrated for they only hinder us, as they impose objectivity on humanity! Pencils force ideas! Why do we need such force?

  Humanity should be unimpeded! Humanity should be allowed to live like they want!      

  Agony is only caused by pencils. That is a fact! I think we should replace pencils with the human mind. I think we should solely communicate with our voices. I think that life would be better without pencils. We would be more joyful, we would be more free, we would be more accomplished, without the scourge of pencils. 

  Pencils encourage a waste of money! How many pencils have been bought throughout their existence? Millions! So much of this money could go to better causes like paying politicians to follow the bidding of individual groups and people! Oh sorry, I meant lobbying instead of paying! My bad! See! Pencils encourage mistakes! Without pencils, we would not have any mistakes, we wouldn’t have to apologize, we wouldn’t have to be collaborative and respectful human beings! Oh sorry! Another mistake! I meant that we wouldn’t have the stain of mortality, not that we wouldn’t have to be collaborative and respectful human beings! 

  Anyway, I think that Pen’s should be the only writing tool that we have and make. Pens allow us to write with our hands! A key deficiency of pencils is that you can’t write on your hands with them! Pens are so much better than pencils! They are not wasteful, as they do not require trees to be cut down to produce them. Pens encourage thoughts and creativity and freedom! Who ever said that they ever prefer pencils to pens? No one! No one ever said that they prefer pencils to pens! I think that pencils are a result of a past that we need not acknowledge! I think that pencils should be canceled from our culture! 

  I think that pencils should be banned from the United States for they are dangerous to our health and our unity! Do you know the damage that can be caused by a pencil? If you do great. If you don’t then that is horrible and a misgiving on your part! Pencils are so damaging because their point produces pain! 

 Pencils! What else is there to say about pencils? Did I not give you enough reasons to eliminate the horror, horrible, horrifying thing known as pencils? I think I did, and I will forever oppose pencils and I do not care what any sane person will say! 

 Pencils need to be eliminated!


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